Kroger opened its first Marketplace megastore in Arkansas over the weekend. Here's what was missing from my shopping experience:
- Exorcist on aisle 9 for the tot who was in the throes of a major demonic possession over a toy he couldn't have
- Fashion police in produce for the white trashionista who failed to properly bag her melons and left them dangling near her navel
- Sniper at register 4 to shoot either the clueless cashier or the coupon freak in line in front of me
Maybe it's me, but I don't want to hike over 124,000 square feet in order to do my weekly grocery shopping. I don't want to buy furniture and bed linens along with my milk and eggs. I hate shopping in cavernous warehouse-like buildings that magnify rather than diminish the ambient noise - if I wanted to shop in such a store, I'd just go to the white trash Mecca otherwise known as a Walmart Superstore. I don't need a sushi bar or a café, and I would never in a million years purchase a piece of so-called fine jewelry from the same place I get my deli meat. I am seriously considering defecting to the Fresh Market for most of my shopping - at least the store is a manageable size and there is beautiful classical music playing every time I shop there. Who cares if I don't recognize any of the brands and have to pay twice as much for meat and cheese? It might be worth it to avoid having to march through acres of useless crap to get to the things on my shopping list ...
5 comments:
hmmm....I'm wondering if this tirade is because of the size of the store or the trash in the store.
I love my big grocery store Wegmanns however they don't sell furniture or linens....just awesome aisles of choices of food!
I'm so glad you're back to writing.
I share your apprehension! I don't understand why they thought we needed ANOTHER megastore. I'm willing to pay more at Fresh Market or Whole Foods just to avoid the need for a sherpa and the assorted riffraff.
That said, thank you for braving the wilderness...so that I don't have to!
The bad thing about those motorized scooters is the baskets are so damn small -- I don't want to trek all over the fucking moon for groceries, either. I do appreciate the expanded organic section and the ability to make my own granola though...I told Excy when I first spotted the sign he'd be toast if I got anything from a jewelry store from Kroger....nothing says I love you like jewelry from a grocery store...
We're lucky to still have a neighborhood grocery close to our home. Both the selection and service have degraded over the years, but it still beats wandering acres of unneeded crap in the superstores. And there are usually only one or two people in line ahead of me.
I love your description of the other shoppers. Priceless.
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